Deacon

I can't handle the idea of someone being dead who I want alive. That's what I discovered is the key to all misery. Wanting things to be different than they are. Well, that's obvious, but I mean, indulging the mind with the ideas that they are different. Such as being in your first class of the day, or at work early. You have your initial sleepiness. But what makes it just painful is when you fantasize about your pillow and soft blankets, and then have to realize that you're in a cold building with no chance for sleep in hours to come. Having a crush is one thing, but it becomes agony when you go on imagining you and your angel together, cuddling and spending time together, loving on each other, and then having to realize that you're never going to be together. If you don't indulge in that, you're only left with the relatively nice feeling of affection for another person. When I recently lost my bag (which was stolen with a GBA SP, digital camera, and personal notebook inside) it sucked. But what really flared up my anger and sense of loss about it was giving in to the thoughts that maybe I'd just misplaced it, or that maybe it'd turn up, or dreaming that I'd somehow get it back. The loss itself was just loss. You can move on from that.

And so it's not about someone dying that hurts so badly. People die. It's when you have dreams that you could go back into the past and save them, it's when you wish upon every lucky star you see that they'll come back into your life. If you spend so much time imagining that he never really died, and was still in your life, and the past was just some huge nightmare, that's the problem. Indulging in the kind of fantasy that puts stark contrast on the biting reality. That's the kind of thing that will drive you fucking insane.

So my advice is that if you have a sense of loss, just let it go. No matter how much you want to escape reality into that warm inviting delusion, don't. You might as well shoot heroin rather than daydream about alternate realities that aren't going to happen. They're equally addicting and they're equally capable of completely fucking you up.

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Daisy

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Dawson

Don't worry, Deacon. I'm not going anywhere.

Anyway, I agree. Not having the lady you want is absolute agony. It's not as easy to let go was you paint it to be, though.

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Deacon

If all you have is daydreams, it's because you're unwilling to let them die and move on. Daydreams are hostile to your life. If you want to change your reality, first you must be willing to face it and live in it without escaping like a child. If you live in denial, you'll be stuck fucking a corpse the rest of your life.




Symbolically.

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Ragnar Danneskjöld

True true,.............Thanks for reminding me you bastard.

Deacon

I'm not painting it out to be any easier than recovering from heroin addiction. I'm simply saying the only way to make it better is to resist falling back into those daydreams, equivalent to taking another hit.

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JoeyJoJoJrShabadu

Interesting....I just recently wrote something incredibly similar to this on my Xanga site...how bizarre.

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Shivan

Recently I made that thread about me being lame and wanting to get a girlfriend. Everyone kept telling me to just go up and say something. Like Deacon said, when you imagine being a couple you feel worse, because it feels as if you are pushing yourself farther away from reality and that you are desperately wanting it to just be reality.

Well, today was a great day for me, I was in the library and I sat down next to the girl I had been wanting to talk to for the longest time and I brought up conversation. But the great part about it was that I could tell she was interested in speaking to me. I had forgotten to introduce myself by giving my name and she goes-

"You know, we've been sitting in the same class for weeks and I don't even know your name?" And of course we exchanged names.

So, it seems as if I have had a wonderful day, but that little advancement, taking that one step closer to making a dream a reality isn't good. Because now my thoughts have progressed further than they were before. I want to ask this girl out and I can't tell if she wants that. So I find myself evaluating her actions towards me when I was apart. Trying to determine if she really liked me. Overall making me feel worse. I'm stupid, I realize this.

But the point is- It's a never-ending staircase, when you take a step up another step is added. You can never reach the top.

Chrono

I think Daisy has officially gone insane *runs*

Everything happens for a reason, and we will never know them on earth, or maybe not even whats beyone life. What seems like a horribley tragic loss for you could actully be more of a gain, because that one thing happened at that one perticular moment, changing one tiny thing might alter the future horribley.

If your Daydreams came true, and everyone had it their way, life would be one very f'd up place to be. Say if you save your brother from an accident because you go bac kin time. Say when the car hit him, him, the driver and the car where engulfed in flames. Now picture the car NOT being engulfed, and it just driving down the road. Now say there was a rusty but still usable part working in the car. When the part is unusable, say Now the rusted part is thrown into the dump. Then some guy who needs this part picks it up and puts it in his car without seeing the defect. Now as this man is driving, he goes out of controld, crashes on a thruway, causing a major crash, killing many.

A little farfetched, but the point of that is that you have remember that everything happens for a reason, and one loss for you could mean saving hundreds of losses for many others. You have to move on and jump over whatever life may hurl at you, no matter how muc hthe pain is, and remember that your suffering happens for some reason, but you cannot know because the real truth could be beyond comprehension.

And about that staircase thing Shivan...

You cannot stop the staircase, because everyone has...or should I say needs dreams to look forward to. You just cant make those dreams into your own little fantasy, world, you have to snap back int o reality. When you learn that reality is here, and you need to overcome it, you slow the climbing of the staircase. If you totally stop, or zoom up the stricase (I.e. Living in a fantasy world, or not having dreams, dont look forward to anything like a hard core goth) then you are completely insane.


*shakes hand* lots of typin.

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Deacon

Yeah we don't need an afternoon special here. This is about the drug of fantasy, not some vague Hallmark topic on "not sweating the small stuff". Go to bed, Chrono.

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Chrono

uhh..............no

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Shivan

I don't want everyone to misunderstand me, I said that actually being able to talk to this girl was a bad thing because it led to other thoughts that I know is a stretch. But it isn't bad whatsoever really. It's the best thing in the world to know I can now talk to her. And actually be her friend. Just to clear that up.