Ilona Staten

Yesterday was an especially joyous day for me as my very dear and sweet Mommy saw it in her heart to bestow me with an adorable little puppy. Perhaps she was growing increasingly worried about my mental wellbeing in light of the fact I frequently engage in extended conversations on politics and religion with my imaginary friends from Wonderland, the kingdom where Debra and my other pretend friends live in splendor. Whatever the case, I promptly named my cute little puppy Gallon after the famous character from Capcom’s Vampire series. The name does suit him well as he howls like a wolf whenever he hears a fire truck pass by. And believe me when I say that that is such a cute sight! And although the excitable little fellow has surely been a handful in the short time that I’ve had him in my company, I am positive that Gallon and I will become best buddies in no time. I may even take him up to my giving tree where we can spend some quality time together reading books and listening to Mozart. Nevertheless, happiness isn’t the only thing that was brought to me upon receiving my precious Gallon—no, I was also simultaneously greeted with a rather interesting thought: if it were possible, which animal would I be?

After I introduced Gallon to my favorite goldfish in the world, Chloe, I fed him and put him the backyard so he could go on some fun adventures. To be sure, my backyard is, in a word, vast, so it is indubitably conducive to adventure. As a matter of fact, I have made a couple of make-believe friends back there, in addition to coming across my favorite stray cat in the world, Cupcake, and I’ve also even met a boy named Wolfgang who just happened to kick his football into my yard when my mother was sunbathing! Indeed, on any given day, any number of interesting things can happen in my backyard, but I digress. After I made sure Gallon was going to be okay by himself, I made my way for my PC room to read my favorite blog which just happens to be the politics-centric Crooksandliars.com. However, on this particular day, I just couldn’t read the harsh but entirely warranted attacks on the morally bankrupt misanthropes in DC. The question just kept coming back to me—what animal would I be?

After watching a rather impressive TAS of Super Mario 64, the answer finally came to me. There could be no answer more suitable than a dolphin! Yes, the beautiful bottlenose dolphin who roams temperate seas the world over. What a marvelous creature which possesses not only extreme aesthetic beauty but also an intellect almost unparalleled in the animal kingdom. As much as I love my current life as a human being I think I would be equally happy swimming the seas with my dolphin buddies and playing also sorts of fun dolphin games. Dining on fish and other small sea animals every day would be a nice change of pace as well I would imagine. No more prep time would be required for meals and best of all, there would be no dishes to wash when all is said and done! Also, I think I would be an exceptionally friendly dolphin towards humans. For example, as a dolphin, if I happened to spot a boat filled with jaded whale watchers, I would try to do some impressive dolphin tricks for their amusement to lift their spirits. I myself was lucky enough to have encountered a really affable dolphin when I went on a whale watching field trip in the 2nd grade. She did all sorts of neat tricks as she gracefully flipped through the air, and in no time at all I had completely forgotten about the fact that a naughty bully had punched me in the stomach previously that day. Oh to be a beautiful bottlenose dolphin! What a happy fantasy, yet it remains just that—a fantasy. Oh well, being a human in not so bad. I have my mommy, Debra and my other imaginary friends, my beautiful goldfish Chloe, my bosom friend Amber, and the newest addition to my ever-growing roster of animal buddies in Gallon. As I sit here and fantasize about being a Dolphin, I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a brainy dolphin out there who dreamt about having a human life not unlike my own!

So, my dear N-Philes friends, have you ever thought about being an animal? If so, please share your thoughts on this rather whimsical subject. I think it would be rather fun to find out which animals everyone on N-Philes would like to be.

Have a nice day everyone! I love all of you.

Daisy

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matz8916

pics or it didn't happen!

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Mysti

You are by far one of the wierdest members to ever post to these boards.

LinKami Deschain

I would like to eithe be a penquin, turtle, or a cheetah.

kangaroos are pretty cool too.

or something that flies...like an eagle or hawk.

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kinopio

Oh. My. GOD!

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ZGMF-X20A

thats just weird

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Firecrest_Neoflames

Is it wrong if I get hot everytime I read that?

But oh yeah, if I were an animal I'd be a... chicken goes "cluck, cluck", cow goes "moo", piggy goes "oink, oink", how 'bout youuuuuu?

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George

i want to be an ass

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kinopio

wish granted

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Anbesol

new sig time

bleeper2.0

Porpoise poontang FTW!!!!!

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Ilona Staten

Gallon is a werewolf fighter from Capcom’s Darkstalkers franchise. My little puppy howls just like Gallon so I named him Gallon. I know it’s a bit silly, still, I think the name suits him nicely. Also, I don’t think my mommy would ever throw me in a mental institution. She loves me dearly and I love her even more. While I may be a bit unique, I am absolutely not insane and I think my mommy appreciates that. Furthermore, I am absolutely shocked at the link you posted! Quite frankly, I don’t think sexual contact between humans and animals can ever be truly consensual. There is a definite sense of inequality inherent in such relationships, thus I can only view human-animal interactions in this category with aversion.

Unfortunately I do not have a digital camera. All I can say is that Gallon is unquestionably one of the cutest puppies in the world today. My love for him increases by the minute.

As long as I am pleasantly weird, I am okay with being weird. Please alert me if my weirdness ever becomes unpleasant. I wouldn’t want to upset any of my dear N-Philes friends.

I never thought about being a penguin. It would be so fun to slide down snowy slops on my belly!

Nice rhyme Firecrest. I can’t say that I’d like to be a farm animal. Being a wild boar would be neat though as they have really strong family ties just like me. Also, being a cow in a place like India would be pleasant as cows are revered there.

According to Wikipedia, Donkey’s are “intelligent, cautious, friendly, playful, and eager to learn.” That’s truly a fine choice George. If I weren’t so excited about becoming a dolphin myself, I’d probably like to be a Donkey.

I apologize if I upset you Anbesol. Let me assure you, even though I have imaginary friends, I am quite sane.

burning_phoneix

MISSION PHIALD.

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matz8916

K well tell me that when he starts to piss all over the floor and ++++ in every place.

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TendoGamer

I find this person entertaining.

Pithy

Come on guys, everyone has imaginary friends... When they're ++++ing 6.

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Anbesol

You know, if a Tiger and a Lion have sex, they will make a Liger. So, do you think there is any animal that a human can interbreed with? Perhaps an orangutan or something? Could you just imagine, some poor little 120 pound girl betting blasted by a 500 pound orangutan... that would be pretty scary for the girl. Perhaps it would be best if the human was male, on second thought. Anyway - do you think theyd conceive?

no, you didnt upset me, I'm just having a hard time believing you are real... or sane. It seems like you are either one or the other...