3...2...1...GO!
The announcer's words still echoed and already the green machine and the other green machine were in full assault mode. Luigi bounded through the air up towards Yoshi's perch, and Yoshi dropped down to meet Luigi, clashing with the plumber halfway. Luigi spun into his downward drill kick while still sailing upwards from the force of his jump, but Yoshi had executed his skywalker jump (Lucas please don't sue me) and pushed through the attack virtually unharmed. He dropped down behind Luigi's back on the way down and slurped him up into an egg. An egg that was also a prison. A prison so cunningly crafted out of frail eggshells that it took Luigi nearly one full second to break free. Yeah, Yoshi didn't even score an ounce of damage while Luigi was in there. Actually I don't even think he touched the ground before Luigi was out. Still, Luigi passed through Yoshi's entire digestive (and also possibly reproductive) tract so that's mud in his eye, right?
When Luigi broke out of the shell, he broke out in a big way. After exchanging light air hits with Yoshi, he drilled the dino into the roof of the Silph tower and then kicked his Cretaceous carcass off to the left with a downward smash attack. There on the leftmost building the two similarly-colored combatants exchanged light jabs and kicks and scuffled back and forth, until an item capsule appeared on the far left hovering platform. Yoshi ducked out of the battle and flutter-jumped over to the item, but overshot it and sent himself careening down to the city streets.
So at this point Luigi had only 9% and Yoshi was dead once already. Not so good, Yoshi.
Yoshi re-appeared on the top of the Silph building and grabbed for a nearby barrel to chuck DK-style at the lesser of the two Mario Bros. When Luigi leapt up from the left tower, the barrel smashed him right in the face, but he recovered quickly and uppercut his way back to the roof of the Silph tower before Yoshi could grab the goods that the barrel had contained. Unlike Mario's uppercut, Luigi's is incredibly weak unless he scores a direct hit, and so when he hit the green dino from long range, it barely fazed him. Yoshi countered right away with a back kick that sent Luigi over to the Pocket Monster Garage and picked up the mine.
Luigi rolled back up to Yoshi just in time to earn a mine to the skull, and neither seemed to notice or care when it activated right below their feet. They scuffled and exchanged hits back and forth until Luigi delivered a blow to Yoshi that, while blocked, tipped him over the left edge of the building. Just then, the mine activated and blew Luigi off to the far left of the level. Things were looking good for Yoshi when a Heart appeared on the leftmost hover platform, because Luigi was already all the way up to 90% damage. This was Yoshi's chance to tie things up and get back in the game!
BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT HAPPENED BECAUSE YOSHI IS A LOSER WHO CAN'T GAUGE HIS OWN STUPID JUMP. HE TOTALLY HOPPED RIGHT OVER THE ITEM AND OFF THE LEVEL. AGAIN. THIS IS WHY THE DINOSAURS WENT EXTINCT.
This retarded turn of events led up, predictably, to Luigi grabbing the Heart and bringing himself back down to 0%. Now it was a two-life game, a huge lead for Luigi. Was this Luigi's lucky day, or would fate turn the tables and balance things out?
When Yoshi reincarnated on top of the Silph tower, there was an item-filled egg waiting for him, and meanwhile a Starman appeared over the right hovering platform and started bouncing towards Yoshi. Yoshi tossed the egg into the air and stayed put while the Starman bounced closer and closer to him. Just then Luigi jumped right through the Starman and stole himself some invincibility as he made his way back to Yoshi, because apparently this was destined to be the most one-sided match ever. In fact, as if to drive that point home even further, while Luigi was dealing Yoshi a savage Italian beating of drill kicks and fireballs another Starman came out of the egg and likewise fell onto Luigi to extent his invulnerability.
With nothing to do but run and wait for the invincibility to wear off, Yoshi tried to escape to the left side of the level where a box had just appeared on the top of the building. When an invincible Luigi followed, he panicked and flutter-jumped high into the air. From there Luigi coolly grabbed the box and heaved it to the left. When Yoshi came down from his jump, he collided with the heavy crate and was knocked only a few feet from the edge of the building. Without any jumps left, Yoshi fell somewhat anti-climactically off the level to end his third life. Luigi had won with full life and not much effort. I'll give him a pat on the back, but no pizza party this time around.
This brings up a few points to ponder that I never really got into until now. The first two matches were, after all, complete clinchers. This one wasn't, and here's why.
Yoshi lost primarily because of two things: very high items and Saffron City. So for you Luigi fans, nice voting. Although he's one of the better fighters in the game, Luigi's smash skills played much less of a factor in the fight than those two lives Yoshi forfeit due to grabbing for an item. But for Yoshi fans, a level like Dreamland or Mushroom Kingdom might have been better. Yoshi is one of many fighters (including Ness, Donkey Kong, Fox and Pikachu) who have major problems fighting on Saffron City. For human fighters it's no big problem, but some of those computer fighters just can't seem to adjust their jumping on those high buildings. And since they also can't resist an item it if appears nearby, it can severely tip the scales out of their favor.
This last part, and perhaps this entire match, is just a reminder to keep a mind for certain characters' weaknesses when choosing the level and item frequency. Smaller characters have a big problem with Planet Zebes, characters with poor jumping have it rough on Dreamland, and there are also a few quirks specific to individual characters that you should keep in mind, such as Link's inability to jump back over the fin of the Great Fox or how the clouds of Yoshi's Island disrupt Ness' PK Thunder jump.
Anyway, it was a victory for Luigi and he thanks his fans for tipping the scales in his favor. Tune in next week when Samus shows us just what it means to go head-to-head with a bounty hunter!
