N-Philes

Master Hand is one of my most loved and most hated bosses from the world of video games. I hate him because it's a hokey concept and that after fighting so many of Nintendo's legends, I top it all off with a fight with a white glove. Also, the fight itself just feels weird. I'll explain why, maybe you'll agree with me.

In fighter games, the ultimate villian tends to embody the ultimate incarnation of all the previous challengers you faced. Either he literally employs the entire library of those combined fighters' attacks, or he's an opponent with maxed out speed or strength or both. Master Hand, on the other crap I just walked into a pun, isn't anything like the previous characters you battle. You don't up his damage to knock him off the screen, the whole concept behind Super Smash Bros.; you just keep hitting him until he dies. And because he doesn't dodge or block or counter attack or even fight on solid ground, you don't battle against Master Hand anything like you'd been battling until that point. So he really comes across more like the end boss for an adventure game than for a fighter.



But unlike most every adventure game end boss there is, Master Hand doesn't have any one weak spot that needs exploiting. You don't really have to figure out how to beat him. You just hit him at every available opportunity and either run or block when he goes in for an attack, and after you hit him enough he dies. It shouldn't feel strange because that's how the real world works, but being raised on "only use THIS ONE ULTIMATE MOVE to destroy ____!!" or "HIS ONLY WEAK SPOT is his _____, aim there!!" it's just a strange concept.

Now what I like about Master Hand is that he plays just like he should. He's a hand fighting action figures, and he does it in pretty much the same way I used to play when I found myself with only one G.I. Joe and nobody for him to fight. I'd just have my hand either pound him into the ground or flick him in the face or squeeze him to death. Then I'd break for a handful of Ritalin and get back to the action.

Man, kids who had friends just didn't know what they were missing. Good times.