N-Philes

So I'm sitting here listening to the Space Channel 5 part II soundtrack and thinking about how horribly frantic my day is going to be tomorrow when it hit me that End Boss hasn't been updated yet today. I've got good news for you though, I've decided that instead of watching this new DVD I bought with my hard-earned money I am going to do today's write-up right here in front of a live studio audience.

Today's focus is once again Bowser. He appears to be up to his old tricks, doing what I'm not quite certain but I'm sure it was something absolutely devious. In Yoshi's Safari Yoshi grows a pair and takes Mario through Jewelery Land as you snipe down cuddly creatures with your Super Scope. Maybe turtles aren't so cuddly to you, but I know I had a hard time shooting these guys down with their big puppy-dog eyes. It probably didn't help that I didn't have a Super Scope when attempting to play.

What kind of a name for a place is "Jewelery Land", anyway? I got nothin'. You're trying to restore peace to it, or something, and Prince Pine is rooting for you the whole way through.

I'm just going to talk about Bowser now. He's got two forms, and the first form is probably a bit more intimidating than his second form. He dons armor and has cannons for arms when you first see him, but he has one fatal flaw – when you shoot down his hands his chest plate opens, exposing him for open fire. Who was the engineer genius who came up with that design? After you destroy that piece of scrap (editor's note: apparently "scarp" is a word) metal, Bowser starts flinging Koopa shells and spitting fire at you, but his only vulnerable parts are once again his hands. You figure you're shooting Bowser in the face with, you know, a gun, it might do some damage, but before you're even given the opportunity you have to disable his arms first. Andross, eat your damn heart out.