N-Philes

Mario's had to put up with a lot of guff in his life. He's had to save princesses, save girls who aren't princesses, save entire kingdoms, save entire worlds, and fight through his subconscious, among other things. However, everything he had to do before his next adventure would be futile. Our fearless plumber has never had to face an enemy so brutal, so mischievous, so downright evil as his latest worst nightmare. Ladies and gents, meet the golf ball from NES Open Tournament Golf.

Mario did actually have to fight a golf ball once, in Nintendo's early arcade romp entitled Golf, but that golf ball didn't hold a candle to this fearsome creature. Golf balls can't hold candles. NES Open Tournament Golf was such a horrifying endeavor because of its advances over Golf, most notably the feature to be a part of your own clubhouse. It's not only a slightly altered Mario teeing off in this one either, it's a whole slew of old and new Mario characters (new characters that we'll never see again after this) such as Daisy, Luigi, and Peach. There was also a character named Steve if I recall correctly, and I always picked him because that was my name and I thought he was in the game just for me to select him as if he'll transfer his amazing golf powers to me.

The golf ball from NES Open Tournament Golf had some crazy tricks up its sleeve. It did things like sit there and let you smack the crap out of it, hopefully not hitting it out of bounds. If you do you're greeted with a dreadful two-tone depressing sound and Toad pops up, mocking you as if your girlfriend dumped you on national television. This was the ball's plan all along, and little did he know that over a decade later a Nintendo fansite would get so lazy that they'd stretch this bizarro concept into a three-paragraph feature to avoid doing any real work. Goodnight, N-Philes.