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New In Theaters: June 26, 2009

Posted June 27th 2009 by Derrick Lutz.

In this weekly update, I take a quick look at what's coming out in theaters this weekend and why most of it is probably not worth seeing. If you get nothing else out of it, you will at least be informed of the titles of the movies being released this weekend.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
A sequel to 2007's Transformers. I could rant about how stupid this movie is and how stupid you are if you go see it, but why bother. I'll just say that if I tried to go see this movie, I can almost guarantee that I would fall asleep around 30 minutes into it. Something about long sequences of pointless motion really tuckers me out.

My Sister's Keeper
The director of The Notebook returns with a story about some little girl dying of cancer. As if that wasn't bad enough, the twist here is that the parents birthed a second daughter who was designed to serve as an organ/blood/marrow/stem cell donor. Oh boy, don't everybody run out to the theater to see it all at once. I wonder who will win the #1 box office slot this weekend!

Limited Releases

Afghan Star - Documentary - American Idol, Afghanistan style. Some Muslim dudes don't like it.
Cheri - Romance - Michelle Pfeiffer and Kathy Bates act like the annoying old women they are in this early 1900s period drama/romance.
Life is Hot in Cracktown - Drama - This looks like if a season The Wire was written with Hollywood cliches replacing anything realistic, then the whole thing condensed down to a feature film length. I'm labeling this one More Offensive Than Transformers.
Quiet Chaos - Foreign Drama - Some bad stuff happens to this French guy and his life changes radically.
Surveillance - Drama - This movie was directed by David Lynch's daughter. Bill Paxton and some woman are FBI agents dealing with a small town's local law enforcement trying to track down a serial killer. I've actually seen this movie already. It's not good.
The Crypt - Horror - Dumb hot chicks crawl around in the dirt while being groped by skeletons. I just made this movie sound way better than it probably is.
The Hurt Locker - Action Drama - An elite squad of Army bomb defusal experts defuse bombs. Well, not all of them I'd guess. There's gotta be some explosions.
The Stoning of Soraya M. - Drama - True story, middle eastern woman gets stoned, her aunt tells the story to a man visiting the village, that man is threatened by the neighborhood men who stoned Soraya.